All the Things My Life Has Been

It has been a joy, I think,
I think it has been grand,
this whole time to have lived my life
resisting sinking sand.
Though to forgive and to forget,
it’s no doubt that I could,
my wit does fail quite often
to convince me that I should.
More frequently than not, I guess,
I turn my back before
the other has the thought to think,
and walk right out the door.
I feel you may now judge me,
for I’m not as good as you,
but I reason rather rationally,
so hear me out before you do.
Some pains are far great enough,
it makes me sad to say,
to make you question everything,
in each and every way.
In so many instances,
too many, in fact, to name,
my gut has not been wrong about
their dull intent to shame.
I don’t regret that I have learned,
to stand guard of my heart,
but it fairly many times has killed
something good before its start.
I know it can’t be good for me,
but it has spared me hurt;
most times that I did deign to trust,
I wound up down as dirt.
I have perhaps neglected
to inform you that I may
in due time learn to walk this line,
but I am afraid of gray.
So give me reasons, if you can,
I beg you, give me pause,
to count mistrust among my many
immaturities and flaws.
My heart agrees it must be so,
but my brain may be too stern;
it might just have fight uphill,
because I’m still intent to learn.
For joy and love I do possess,
but hide deeper within,
so tell me, please, how do I go
about being free again.